Relationships

No one knows..

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How will it end, or in general. At least I will calm down with all these “searches”. Because how much time has passed, right?..
And, in general, no specifics. Just communication. Just a path. God knows where it will lead us. In her, a young girl and an adult have wonderfully united. Is adulthood the absence of sad experiences? Well..probably…is there a difference?..
I didn’t want to let her go. There is something about her…I wrote in the threads that I always knew how my person felt – it’s funny that she liked this post…because she knows that it’s about her?..Smart girls know more than we would like…

I don’t want to rush anywhere. And I don’t have to. But I know how to make a person happy. All that’s left is to pay off my debts and get back into business. There are things she would like to learn from me. There are things I want to teach her. I don’t want to show that I’m safe. I want to be safe. She’s the one this world needs to be protected from. And I wanted to protect her from this world.

Art Thoughts

Painful orgasm

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Well. I caught myself thinking that the creativity that arises in me through people has its own term. “Pain orgasm”. It doesn’t look much like dopamine. But it’s probably “joy from pain”. This is when you create something because of internal pain, but at the same time you feel a pleasant relief after creating the work. But it’s not about eliminating the root cause of the pain with work, but, as it were, its visualization.

All that’s left is to learn to control it. Not like it was with Kas…
Let this work be a background, like a memory…

Relationships Thoughts

Valuable

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How valuable is it to be able to tell a young person that…you don’t care where she’s from. Because first of all, you know she’s from somewhere in the West, and secondly…you really, sincerely, aren’t interested. You don’t want to consider her as a partner, not as someone you’d want to meet in person someday (although you’d be interested in talking to her) – no way. Why?

Because it is at this moment that you choose yourself. You make a choice about yourself and your needs and desires. Your vision of the future. They don’t decide whether you will meet or not and why, you do. These are important steps away from devaluing yourself as a person.

And it played in my head again…

“Even if you don’t sleep every night,
Even if you paint my eyes,
Even if you walk around the world,
I won’t come to you”

Psychology Thoughts

OCD

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What’s up. In the list of “self-diagnosed” the winner of the evening is OCD. Well, let’s be objective. It’s more pleasant and easier for me to accept that my obsessive thoughts are due to OCD than that my “schizotypal disorder” (the conclusion of the VLK, according to which they were written off) is not exactly about schizotypal, but something more “deep”. And it’s scary. Is it good? No. But, symptomatically, I’ve also had OCD since childhood.

Does this understanding make it easier for me? It does. I’m learning to live with myself as I am. And the further I go, the more important it is that not someone else can live with me, but me.
I’m comfortable with the people around me. Because I feel comfortable with them. Thank you…

People Psychology Thoughts

Age

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It is interesting that at the age of 16-18, if you take a boy and a girl, girls develop intellectually faster. Roughly speaking, a girl at this age is interested in older boys.

I’m sitting in my 36. I don’t care what girls 25-35 are interested in. At the same time, normal interlocutors for me are people 45+. Here you can have some laughs. And more serious conversations. Mutual support. This is even though interests are often different.

I don’t understand why it works this way, and I don’t want to try to understand.

Cooking

Cabbage

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As a child, I perceived cauliflower as something…alien, strange. And I didn’t eat it. Not at all. Because who eats aliens?..

Later I started eating it, but the pieces were extremely fried. They were almost like crackers. And only much later did I start eating it.

I wonder if I was the only one who perceived her that way? 😅

Projects

SES. The beginning?

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Well. With this purchase:

You could say that I’ve officially started trying to save something that will eventually allow me to save a lot on my rent. There’s no talk of a green tariff, and it doesn’t really make sense right now (with these outages), but it would be nice to save money by not having to run the generator again and charging the existing batteries from the sun.

There are not so many batteries, but I also took 2 panels with a total capacity of about 1310 W. Theoretically, even in cloudy weather I will receive about 130 W, but that is in ideal conditions. The reality may be different, but this will allow me to cover, at least, the basic needs for providing the house. In general, I calculated that if I were to assemble such a system “from scratch”, it would cost somewhere around 1000 USD with a hybrid inverter, 2 panels, and a battery with a capacity of 3 kW/h. My system will be a little different, which I will share gradually.

The main problem will be to pull these two panels onto the roof by yourself (almost impossible?) or with someone and fix them. The rest is minor things. I wanted to get smaller panels, but these are a very good price per kW, plus they have Delivery, which is super critical for me right now.

Let’s see how it goes and what pitfalls will occur.

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Want more?..

Relationships

No one knows..

Music People Relationships Thoughts

Exhale..

Personal Thoughts

Mirror, mirror on the wall, Show me truth or none at all..

Art Thoughts

Painful orgasm