Saint Creature

Drop by drop

Once I was acquainted with a girl from whom I received a “signature”. She cost me a laptop. We agreed that when she received the laptop – she would send me money. But she never sent it to me. I trusted her very much, and… this trust cost money. But that’s not the point. She had a signature under a nickname. The phrase. “When all the rats ran away – the ship stopped sinking”. I remembered it for two reasons. The first of them – because it corresponded to what she did. The second – because it is a really “working” phrase.

When something changes a lot in our lives – it is not always about the minus. I was disappointed that I would no longer have an interlocutor, and I began to look at the work of other people. With this person, I did not pay attention to others, because one person is enough for me. Is there much space in my heart? I always said that “… there will be enough for one more person”. In fact, there is even a little more of it now. And I was joined by different people whose creativity I appreciated. They leave comments under my works. They like what I create. They talk to me. And instead of one person who inspires me, I got more. And each of them is very valuable to me. Not because they like what I do – but because I really like their creativity.

Thank you to everyone who surrounds me these days – you make my world better, and I will try to make yours too!

This is probably a strange post on the third day after the “breakup”, but it is true. I am healed by work and the people around me. Thank you!

I won’t keep chasing ghosts…

..I need somebody I can hold
Gave you my heart and soul
Thought I was chasing love
I was only chasing a ghost..

It’s funny that I “gave” her this song when she was talking about her “ghost.” But with her disappearance, she became just that kind of ghost herself…

Remember when you left?
Yeah, I thought it was mean
Stones shirt, black boots and everything
I let you fool me twice, shame on me
But that night still haunts my dreams..

Not difficult

It’s not hard to find someone you can give love and warmth to. Encourage. Be a light. And they can shine in return. It’s much harder to find someone who will be fascinated by you. Well. It may be hard for a while, but that doesn’t mean I’ll sit around and be sad. I’ll just find someone else to support.

Hurt

I don’t think it was love on her part. More like a desire to have a toy that she could manipulate. That she could play with and throw away, like she used to with other people. She says that she’s in pain and that I don’t know what can hurt her and what can’t – and…I do. I know what can hurt her and what can’t. But she never knew what could hurt me. So…sad, sorry, but it is what it is. Let’s move on. Sometimes you shouldn’t let people so deeply into your heart and your world…

It’s sad that I’m going to “fail” for a while. Because such things don’t go unnoticed by our soul and heart. But this is just another person who wanted to make me uncomfortable and… she succeeded.

Stronger

“Every time I look in your eyes I feel stronger, stronger
Every time I look in your eyes I feel stronger, stronger
The look in your eyes makes me stronger
Now I can’t wait any longer
So look at me, shine on me
Without that I’m going crazy.
Crazy!”

You can own the body, you can own the heart, you can own the soul. But I always preferred to own the eyes. To fall in love with a person, it is enough to fall in love with their eyes.

For several days, the song Stronger by the Ukrainian band We Are (which is now somewhat different) has been playing in my head and player. After looking at the text (because I am a Ukrainian-speaking person and my English is “so-so”), I liked it. I decided to do some work, and I wanted to start with a reference. But I liked the reference from the phone with the processing, so I decided to leave this work as it is.

I added a second photo – it is from 2013. This is the beginning of our acquaintance with my wife. This photo became the “eye donor”. Strange work? Probably… but do I have different ones?..

“Maybe I’m busy today
But tomorrow I will throw my routine away
You’re my sun I need your light
You’re my charge that I need to fight
Maybe today I don’t have too much
But tomorrow I will give you a sky
You’re my sun I want you to shine
So please don’t ever ever cry!”

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Ps I know you’ll definitely like this song, but it’s her song. Always remember that ^_^

Studying behavior

Sometimes it seems to me that they tell me certain things to evoke some emotion. Jealousy? Maybe. Although it is unlikely to be as deep as I am thinking about it now. Because if you are jealous – you are already hooked. But I would not want to be hooked.

If you think about the question “What does a woman want?” – you will find the answer in a simple “Everything and immediately”. To be loved by everyone, to be given attention. She wants to be seen and done first. To be recognized by everyone as the best. And she will try. Will try to be better in sex, in cooking, in leisure. It will be important for her to fill any empty niche where she can get. But what if the niches are already filled?

There are things that we do subconsciously. That is, not because of some grand plan. But simply because we do them without even thinking about them. And in communication I have become very careful. Because I see the mines that are being planted for me. You can be too frank with someone, but one fine day this frankness of yours will stab you in the back with a knife. And this is not about trust. This is about human nature. Human essence.

I get tired of games – and this is a fact. There comes a moment when I stop understanding why exactly I play this game.

When I ask myself – what does she need, I understand what exactly. This makes me sad. Because she needs emotion. Feelings. This is energy vampirism, just in a different form. And the only question is – how much will I agree with it.