Saint Creature

Thoughts

No Money Art

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I think that creativity should be, at least partially, without money at all. And you should understand that it will not help you do something in life, but… you have to do something for it. Sacrifice something.

Creativity not for money is like charity. You give something to the world without demanding anything in return. Is it worth anything? I don’t know…

In my life, I have helped many people without mutual benefit. I have done many things not for money. In the end, it is difficult to say whether it was somehow returned. More likely not. Did I want it to be returned somehow? It is difficult to say. Sometimes you just need support. Not money. Support. But you don’t find it. I like to go to extremes in such moments and go somewhere. So that someone will pretend that it doesn’t matter to them. In fact… in fact, I think it doesn’t matter to these people.

Sometimes more than at other times, I feel that the world has abandoned me. Sometimes it’s harder than other times. In general, with the war around you, you have the feeling that almost everyone has died. There are no sales, no friends, no communication. You are alone with this harsh world. Such are the prospects for happiness and a healthy life…

Personal Plans

Look into my eyes – I see that you are sad..

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“…And the hills are plunged into the blue sunset
And I can’t stand this sky
And in it – sharks and rays…”(с)P.A.

It’s strange to quote her here, but it’s okay here because this is the territory of free people…

I need someone who would just support me and say “everything will be fine”. For me to tell her “listen…I’m afraid…that something won’t work out. What will go wrong…that I won’t take this step…” – and she said “don’t worry. I’ll take care of you…”

I think I should sell everything I don’t need to save up as much money as possible for this venture. If everything goes well, I’ll be able to get this money back over time. But there will most likely be only one chance. But where we are now, there will be no chance at all. Because the doors of opportunity are closing and we only have this opportunity to save and get…a chance for a new life? That’s what I called the post when I wrote to the Reddit community. For some reason, my question wasn’t published, but that’s not really important. Because there was something about something else.

Ugh…power us…

Other People Personal Thoughts

The divergence of planets

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If you imagine our life as a universe, and people as planets – over time, different bodies approach each other, and then, on the contrary, move away. And you, literally with your own hands, see how this happens around you. How people with whom you saw a common vision and things begin to perceive differently what you do. And you come to understand that your worlds, or the universe, are changing. Everyone changes at a different speed. Is this critical?

I used to be very sad because of the thoughts that something could change, you could stop communicating with someone, someone could disappear from your life. Now there is an understanding that in most cases there are those who are “here and now”. You either become related to them and move on, or… everyone has their own path and their own universe.

Perhaps this was the perception earlier that with moving, people and contacts that were there would be lost. Because you will become useless to anyone on the one hand, and on the other – everyone will become useless to you. You will have a new circle of friends, new faces around you. Your own reality. And this is more of a plus than a minus. Because the new reality will perceive you as new. From my feed on Facebook, I see how they don’t perceive me and I see that this me is not needed by those who needed that one. And there haven’t been any major changes yet. I haven’t had a few more piercings in my other ear, tattoos, and in general, most of me still lives “behind the screen”.

I just want to live and not think about how people will perceive your appearance or your creativity. So as not to even bother with all this… that’s why I want to move…

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Plans Thoughts

The screeching of the hard disk was reminiscent of the past.

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I connected an old hard drive to my computer, I needed to find a license key for a plugin. I came across old archives – music I listened to back then, a few photos…why do we cling to the old?..

The further you go, the more you resemble that meme when “the boy Kolya is 30 years old, and he still hasn’t decided what he wants to be when he grows up.” Apparently the question isn’t even who he wants to be, but rather who he doesn’t want to be, looking at others who are “over 30”.

When you look at vacancies – you have a constant feeling that “this is not the job for you, this is not about you”. Because you understand what kind of work it will be for 10-12 hours a day. On the other hand…what have you achieved? You missed all the opportunity to invest in something to be higher and better than what they can offer you now. You don’t have a fat paw up your ass that will pull you somewhere, so…what were you expecting?..

At such moments, it seems that you will just stay where you are and continue to do the same thing as before. Because then you will at least have free time. Otherwise…

I would like to do the same direction that I do now – repairing equipment, but everywhere only packers, assemblers, and other warehouse workers are needed. Which is sad. But how is it. Pros? You can get 2000-2500 euros without thinking about some courses and learning languages. But how long will you last in such a job when you don’t see life in general? Someone for a long time. Me?..I wouldn’t want to abandon the blog, photography, and just work for money. Because why do you need such a thing?..but there are not many other options now. So let’s think…

Someone gets the opportunity to go somewhere and they’ll arrange it for them, and someone…someone has to find their own place..

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Music Personal Thoughts

Background of the Soul

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Do all people see or hear things the same way? At one time, I thought that there are people who may not like someone, but I find something nice in them. And I thought that only I see this and no one else. Over time, I came to understand that my perception is the same average as that of others, accordingly, any person from the same class of the population will perceive a particular person, most likely, in the same way as I do. Music is another matter.

When I was driving today and listening to a song, I thought that I don’t know how someone else could perceive it? Because for him it will sound completely different and in a completely different form. He will not see the same meanings as me, it will even annoy someone. And what we like in music may be very unpleasant for someone else. Many people don’t think about this, but… we are not one of those, are we? 🙂

With all this, I came to the conclusion that I created a world for myself in which certain things are interconnected, which is why I can easily type posts like this while listening to my playlist, and I can’t collect my thoughts if some YouTube video or something else is playing in the background. Because this music is a part of me and it is the “background of the soul”. It can only be understood by you, because it’s like your own house and someone else’s – you can only feel “at home” in your own place, and such a phrase as “feel at home” loses all meaning, because you can’t feel like you’re used to somewhere else.

I think it would be great if we could let someone listen to our playlist and it gave us the opportunity to see the world through our eyes. To understand our perception. But, unfortunately, although it works, it is in very exceptional cases. Otherwise, our music, thoughts, and world will always remain just our “home,” in which others will feel uncomfortable.

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