Few artists make me roar when I hear something so great. But…they did it. Twice.
Give me this stick, this heart and his pants – and no one will get hurt…
“Everybody’s talking about it
Makes it pretty hard to doubt it
Need a minute but I’m surrounded
Friends are coming at me like vultures
How come nobody ever told ya?
I wouldn’t show your face ’til it’s over
But I’ve been here before
So hit me when I’m sore (I’m sore).”
I thought about it. I haven’t written letters for about 25 years. It was the first in so many years. Paper. Read More
Je suis obsédé par les femmes, même si je devrais l’être par les hommes.
The stupidest thing is to seek salvation from one woman in another. Even if it’s virtual and imaginary. The only salvation in a woman is in myself, in my other half, in creativity. But I was too busy with work and closing the main debt of my life right now – and it wasn’t up to that.
I think I should pay less attention to women. Any. Men too, probably, but that’s something else. You know, when you’re successful, certain people start to join you. Or rather, they try to join. They give you their money, try to become a part of what you are. To snatch a piece of you. Don’t take it literally, it’s not about me or the story of my life. I just feel that I now have that core. There is a strong foundation that moves this whole mechanism further. I’m becoming more and more visible in the place where I am. I don’t really like it, because there’s less time left for my own things. But something has to feed me – and this is it.
I need contact, but limited. And what’s funnier is that now I understand that any communication can easily become “mine”. That is, I can start communicating freely with anyone. But do I need it? People take up too much time, and that’s why I don’t always find time to answer Aaron right away. I’m sad about it, because I allocate a separate place for him in my life. Like others who read this blog. I just know that they exist (ha-ha, statistics don’t lie. Just kidding). I love you all, and you are my core. Because you are here. With me. You see me, thoughts, creativity. And I thank you for that.
Today I received a mount for the background and immediately lost the desire to throw it on sale. Something like 17 dollars for a thing that costs about 70 in the store. I wouldn’t give 70 for creativity, but 17 is quite normal.
Over time, I will get myself a full-frame Sony of the old model. Without a touch screen, electronic shutter. I want to feel this camera. This system. Understand it, as I once met Panasonic and understood it – my beloved GX7. It was not my first camera from Panasonic, but it was he who made me fall in love with this system. I am not sure that I will ever be able to give up Panasonic and its filters. But I want to try Sony. Was it for nothing that I once thought that they were the same company?)))
Sony is like a sub-part of Panasonic, or Panasonic as a cheaper line of Sony. Funny.
I love you, friends. And I am not talking about cameras now 😉
…don’t hide yourself there? Read More
I increasingly began to catch myself thinking that my debauchery had no limits. Read More
Sometimes certain things in my head come together into a composition that is mostly understandable only to me.
Despite the fact that I am surrounded by many people every day, I feel lonely. Perhaps the advantage of those relationships was that I didn’t feel it, but what difference does it make when loneliness is the result of those relationships?
I immerse myself in work, household chores. There are more than enough of them now. I live by finding myself in something. When my grandmother passed away, my dad told someone that when you work, you don’t really think about the fact that she is no longer there, so it’s easier that way. It’s more or less the same with me.
I don’t try to analyze this situation anymore, because everything happened as it should have happened and it couldn’t have been any other way. In a sense, I am now isolated from people and don’t even want to have any short conversations with anyone. I also can’t find time for creativity right now, so my social interaction is at a minimum. Am I upset about it? Probably not either. Because what I create is still interesting only to me.
I buy some things for creativity and ask myself – why do I need it? For what? You will not go beyond the boundaries of your essence and your body, so is there any point in that? And it is difficult to answer this question. Sa is silent. Just watching from the sidelines what will happen next, and plans to solve problems and issues after the fact.
In a strange way, Kuzya dreamed today. There are people who are used to living in constant unstable relationships with someone. But I would not want to be the one who creates this very instability. This resonates with the fact that I followed her on Instagram, but she does not lead it anymore, so…
There are moments in our lives when we are weaker than at other times. I have found myself in terms of work, but at the same time, I feel that something is missing.
Now we need to close the issue of the house and the “working year”. Then there will be autumn, winter, rest. Time will tell. Time will bring something…
I would like to apply “The Law of Equivalent Exchange” to relationships between people. It is easy to use in this area, because in order to fully replace a person, you should not just switch to another or find another communication – this person should evoke in you the same emotions that the previous one evokes, and what you get from him should also be no less than what you received from the previous one. Under any other circumstances, this is just a “colouring of colours”, which mixes feelings, but does not give the same result.
Is it destructive to trust another person? Yes, more than! Because the more we trust someone, the more sadness will come to us from the understanding that the person did not share this trust. And in general, most people should not be trusted too much, because… they still remain people.
I think that any individual relationship is unique in itself. Because it is a certain chemistry. And this chemistry cannot be transferred to any other plane. The similarity of names, habits, musical tastes of two people does not give us a similar experience from communicating with them. Therefore, it is impossible to replace someone with someone. And what is the result? The result is a hole that remains in us from meeting a new person. Over time, this hole has a chance to heal a little, but the experience from interaction remains with us forever. Like a scar from a bullet that hit us. Only the bullet remains in us physically, and people remain in our thoughts.
A significant part of me says that I do not need communication with anyone right now, no matter how much I internally feel that I need it. And, in the end, I would prefer to be alone than to trust someone again, to have this state that I have now again.
I remembered one song, and I think it’s about her now…
“There’s a look on your face I would like to knock out
See the sin in your grin and the shape of your mouth
All I want is to see you in terrible pain
Although we won’t ever meet, I’ll remember your name
Can’t believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don’t think I can
So fuck you anyway”
There are situations when you can easily explain something to your brain, but there are other damn organs that it doesn’t reach.
“There is no such thing as love in LA
Plastic people don’t got nothing to say
They’re judging me, I’m judging you
We ain’t got nothing else to do
There’s no such thing as love in LA”(с)Palaye Royale
Our relationships with people are like trying to light a fire with a lighter. It seems to burn, as if you see a flame. But, in the end, it is not yellow, but blue. And somehow it quickly goes out. I am not even talking about relationships or communication, but rather about trying to replace one person with another. And so there are two options – either what was there besides paper will catch fire faster than alcohol will run out (funny, just like in life and relationships with people), and the fire will burn – or you will be left with a bunch of cigarette butts that you will not know what to do with.
My fire inside will still burn out, or rather not like that – I will still burn out from the inside, because there is something smoldering. I will go in and refresh the page, hoping to see something – but I already know that it is in vain. And in vain not because, in vain, because I understood the whole secret. And it consisted in the fact that, probably, the whole trick was precisely in the idea of somehow getting me out of my mind, provoking me. So that I would do what I should have done, but what I didn’t do. Because sometimes people need this provocation to stay white and fluffy. So that they don’t ruin something. So that later they have the opportunity to say that “it’s not me, but you”. A wonderful excuse for someone, although I’m used to hanging all my shit like laundry, and not covering up certain moments for which I should be ashamed.
Love will burn out like alcohol,
In the end, without leaving a single one
A bird won’t fly into the sky,
A ship won’t sail beyond alone.
Saint Creature