Musical emptiness
Saint Creature There are such performers who, when you look at them, respond to you with the word “emptiness”. Read More
Thoughts
Sa, 35…
We ran with the neighbouring kids at the park. It’s funny that they don’t perceive me as an adult. It’s sad that people their parents’ age pay for fitness and go to training more often, instead of just running with their children for free, and instead of spending money on sports equipment like frisbee’s or badminton rackets, instead of the gym.
Some people consider the fact that we don’t have children a minus. I consider it a plus, because there is no certain “screen” that prevents you from understanding children and being interested in what is popular with them at the moment. Because this creates a certain gap between generations, when the older ones always perceive their own children and their interests as either funny or stupid. There are exceptions, but, for the most part, all adults are very “adults.”
Infinity War
The lion’s share of the things I do remain “off-screen.” Most often, these are archives of photos from my phone (in cases where I didn’t forget to take them). And it would be great to post them from time to time (which I used to do on FB, before I kicked a bunch of people off it and killed them), but systematicity is not my thing. Read More
Jumpsuit pt2
What hides under your skin when you’re left alone?
Spikes
I caught myself thinking that the spikes in my ears are not only about the fact that it is more compact, more convenient, but also because they are spikes. On the one hand, it is a symbol of the fact that I can be pricked. On the other hand, it resembles a pin, from a story where a man, in case of stupid thoughts, pricked himself until he bled. I like the feeling that I can prick myself at any moment. I like to pull the earring, understanding that it is a part of me. True, this applies to the one that has been in its place for about six months.
I began to perceive the hair on my body differently. Previously, I believed that the “season for creativity” is from autumn to warm days, because it is not good for a man to be “with shaved arms and legs”. Now I put the very idea of creativity above all else. And I don’t really accept the fact that I don’t look like a monkey. I just be the way I am comfortable being.
I still ask myself – what exactly is this connected with. Anyway, so far I have come to the conclusion that psychologically a part of me died then. The part that made certain barriers that you had no right to go beyond. Now I live without barriers, and those that exist I destroy as soon as I start to see them. And if someone says that “it is impossible” – I immediately try to prove the opposite.
We really like “lessons of national identity”, but, for some reason, they do not popularize the topic of self-identity. And it, in my opinion, is much more important.
Sa OF Mod?
“Where is he going?” they will say, and I will say…far away!
From today I am (less than five minutes ago)…an OnlyFans model! Amazing? Maybe! Strange? Maybe! But I decided to try to make my creativity also a source of income, even if it is small.
This doesn’t mean I’m going to start making content with sexual content, it’s more about the same creativity that I had on Deviantart, just in a broader form. Maybe the focus will be on fetish themes, but we’ll see about that in time. I would like it to be a platform where I don’t work 24/7, but where people would have the opportunity to thank me for my creativity. And I think that’s fair.
How will it be? Only time will tell. But I’m positive and hope that I can find my fans. Happy new beginnings!
Bars in heads
It’s interesting that at one time, when I was taking “naked pictures”, I was scared that someone would see me, recognize not only me, but even the appearance of the room, and understand that it was me. And…what next? What would they do with it? But the fear was still there.
The longer the war lasts, the more I change. I have fewer fears, I become freer. Now I believe that how they see me is not my problem, but the problem of those people. And if they don’t like me the way they see me, let them go to hell, because I am who I am. I surrendered to my will and I am a snake in accordance with life. If I want to take some, from my point of view, aesthetic pictures, I will take them, because I am interested in it and I need it. This is my creativity and my essence. Someone will say that “my body is my temple”, and I did not build this temple, so I have nothing to be ashamed of.
The only thing you should really be ashamed of is when you pay attention to someone else’s perception of you. The bars in other people’s heads shouldn’t be your bars – let them be theirs.
Strange feeling of freedom 2.0
It’s somehow surprisingly easy. I’m used to my openness being a “bell” to the fact that “you can always get dumped,” and now I’m somehow too open. Do I feel something inside?
I have already set a certain “work deadline”, and this is perhaps another such bell to my ears that I should either start some kind of business by winter, or… let’s go back to the plans to “dump it into the sunset”? Now I have a clear understanding that if something doesn’t work out here, there is always a factory somewhere in the Czech Republic waiting for us. Today’s example of work showed that it doesn’t matter where you have to work hard – at the factory for 1.5k euros, or here for 127 euros. So, maybe it’s not so scary after all?..
I notice that I’m waiting for some sign to “break through.” To change something radically. And it would probably be nice to live with the thought that you’re “settled in place,” but it’s brighter to think that everything is still ahead.
I wouldn’t want to live to see the day when they tell me “it’s either this or that – you have no choice.” Because I want it to be.
I can already see that I don’t have enough strength to believe in myself and do something that would bring a normal income. Something stable and understandable. Because it was wrong to think that I would leave with what I have now. I won’t leave. I have never seen eel for sale in my life, and here it is available for 32 euro per kg. But at the same time, people are not ready to pay normal money for the work done. Wonder? Ugh…
I guess I want to invest in creativity. Find people “on the wave.” Who will say “Dude! You’re cool! Come to us, we’ll help you get settled! We need you here!” – and everything will turn around…
So… let’s put the wind in our sails…