English thinking

There are things that scare me because I don’t understand them. Of course, everyone has this, but in my case it’s about…thinking. Or rather, thinking in a specific language.

With the fact that I started writing posts in English (and not my own, but through a translator + editing to my taste), the feeling that I’m doing it somehow…”wrong” doesn’t leave me. That is, I convey my thoughts the way I should convey them in my native language, but I’m not very sure that in English they will be fully perceived in the form in which they were in my head. And we again face a wall of misunderstanding when you couldn’t convey something important.

My wife says that it’s easier to learn a language in an environment where it’s different, that is, English in England, French in France. And my English is, like, some kind of beggarly. A modest set of words+not always the correct perception. This probably has a lot to do with my thoughts about “it’s not about me and not for me.” But there is another point of view.

It is that there is a certain stage after which you no longer want to go back. You begin to appreciate what you have and what you have already done. And I hope that this stage will happen and turn this whole story around with the perception of what I am doing now as unimportant and not worth spending time on.

There was a time when I had to make an effort to explain to myself why I should continue to live. Now the time has come when I have to make an effort to explain to myself that this is a new path and any, even small steps, even in the sense that each step takes place in a week, a month, or a year – are important for the ultimate goal.

I have to move on. No matter what. Even with my bad English. But, still, it is English..