personal

Thoughts

I’m alive, I just got a fly in my eye…

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I’m working on a local project, so I don’t have time for anything else. I looked – I haven’t been here for 5 days. It’s crazy how quickly time flies. However… what I’m doing is a small-large social project that should unite the entire city (and its events) with a population of about 12,000 people. This is a kind of pilot project of the idea of ​​what can be achieved if you try to unite different segments of the population. Will it be successful? Time will tell. But for now, I’m investing a lot in it.

In a sense, this is my promising job. The funny thing is that it’s a full-time job (with a schedule) for $150 a month. On the other hand… times are turbulent and no one knows what will happen with trade in the future. So this would be at least some kind of base for actual earnings. Maybe it makes sense, there are all sorts of possible additional payments and something more interesting in terms of money is already looming there.

Have I found my place? And no. But the other day I put on my earring (for which I pierced my ear), wrote Sa Crea on a fabric ribbon and attached it to the earring. That evening I was myself. That evening I spoke in front of people for the first time.

But I see my main and more important blog here. Where I am with you. I share, like, thoughts. I share them with my loved ones. I love you all. See you soon. I went to add posts to the main blog about a couple of anime 🙂

Personal Plans

Look into my eyes – I see that you are sad..

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“…And the hills are plunged into the blue sunset
And I can’t stand this sky
And in it – sharks and rays…”(с)P.A.

It’s strange to quote her here, but it’s okay here because this is the territory of free people…

I need someone who would just support me and say “everything will be fine”. For me to tell her “listen…I’m afraid…that something won’t work out. What will go wrong…that I won’t take this step…” – and she said “don’t worry. I’ll take care of you…”

I think I should sell everything I don’t need to save up as much money as possible for this venture. If everything goes well, I’ll be able to get this money back over time. But there will most likely be only one chance. But where we are now, there will be no chance at all. Because the doors of opportunity are closing and we only have this opportunity to save and get…a chance for a new life? That’s what I called the post when I wrote to the Reddit community. For some reason, my question wasn’t published, but that’s not really important. Because there was something about something else.

Ugh…power us…

Music Personal Thoughts

Background of the Soul

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Do all people see or hear things the same way? At one time, I thought that there are people who may not like someone, but I find something nice in them. And I thought that only I see this and no one else. Over time, I came to understand that my perception is the same average as that of others, accordingly, any person from the same class of the population will perceive a particular person, most likely, in the same way as I do. Music is another matter.

When I was driving today and listening to a song, I thought that I don’t know how someone else could perceive it? Because for him it will sound completely different and in a completely different form. He will not see the same meanings as me, it will even annoy someone. And what we like in music may be very unpleasant for someone else. Many people don’t think about this, but… we are not one of those, are we? 🙂

With all this, I came to the conclusion that I created a world for myself in which certain things are interconnected, which is why I can easily type posts like this while listening to my playlist, and I can’t collect my thoughts if some YouTube video or something else is playing in the background. Because this music is a part of me and it is the “background of the soul”. It can only be understood by you, because it’s like your own house and someone else’s – you can only feel “at home” in your own place, and such a phrase as “feel at home” loses all meaning, because you can’t feel like you’re used to somewhere else.

I think it would be great if we could let someone listen to our playlist and it gave us the opportunity to see the world through our eyes. To understand our perception. But, unfortunately, although it works, it is in very exceptional cases. Otherwise, our music, thoughts, and world will always remain just our “home,” in which others will feel uncomfortable.

Personal Thoughts

Black hole

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It seems like there’s too much time, but for some reason there’s not enough of it for anything. It’s like you’re doing your daily chores, trying to get everything done, but in fact…in fact, the main thing is to improve your health.

I don’t like periods when I can’t control my physical condition. That is, I don’t understand how to get out of the hole I’ve found myself in. So let’s try to get treated as prescribed by the doctor, and then we’ll see. Because everything is “not quite” as we would like.

I’m trying to keep two blogs, Pulse (where I try to win contests), Deviant, I don’t even look at Reddit anymore. I postpone posts a little bit. I don’t have the strength or the opportunity to write new ones right now, but I still do them from time to time. I have a lot of things to do and I need to get everything done, but…there are always some “buts”.

Money has become a little easier, which is very pleasing. By the end of March, I would like to close the money issue and move forward. Because too many debts have accumulated. Is it realistic to pull out all the plans? I hope so. There is still time, but I hope for some “luck”. Maybe life will give me the same chance? Maybe at least once?..

Personal

Hard start

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The year started hard because…for two weeks in a row, every day someone needs something. Few people are interested in how I’m doing and whether I need something, but everyone wants something from me. Some help, advice, so that I can do something for them. And, to be honest, I’m already burned out on helping someone with something. I want a person. I want communication. I want sincere interest. So that we mutually feed each other with inspiration and…I don’t know. I want to receive and give love, so that the main idea of ​​​​the interaction between me and the person is this love itself. Do I want too much? Probably…

I want to disappear from this city and this country, and be where I will be the only one who decides who I want to help and who not. I don’t want to be convenient. I want to be out of reach. So that no one can not recommend me, not contact me, no, not even ask me something.

I will grit my teeth on that move, just so that it happens and I end up in another place where they don’t know me. Where I won’t be convenient for everyone and everyone. I want to help, but I want my boundaries to be clearly understood. So that no calls after 9 and until, at least, 10.

Our cat can be pampered, but she knows the limit. She knows that when she has the strength and time – she can climb into bed in the morning and get her dose of attention and love. When she wants to play with a ball – we go and start playing tennis. To give her attention. But she clearly knows when we shouldn’t climb, shouldn’t be bothered, and in general it’s better not to touch. She’s a cat. She’s an animal. So why don’t people who are visually similar to us have the same understanding?..

battery_18650_welding
Personal Thoughts

The face is tense – a devastated smile

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I look exhausted. And old. This situation with the lack of income is taking a toll on my health, especially today. It’s nice to think that you still have a chance and opportunities, but now I see that both chance and opportunities have been taken away from me. This country has taken away both of those things from me. It makes me want to just take a ticket with my last money and go somewhere else, look for another, better life. What will it be? Probably, any one will be better now. Simply because I’m tired of living the way I am now, depending on… people. If no one buys anything from you – no one needs you. I’m not sure that we will be able to go to my nephews in the spring, since for now, literally, there is no money even for food. Of course, there is something to sell and close the issue “for now”, but I don’t want to stay here any longer. Because without free income – I have nothing here. Absolutely. We have a house, but it has no meaning or value if you can’t pay for its maintenance, and that’s exactly what it’s going to do now. And I see how this country, having drunk the juices out of people, has taken away my ability to buy something. Others are suffering – I’m suffering too. And I don’t want to think about what it will be like there after the war and in general. I just want not to think about this country at all. Because it has taught me only that it constantly takes something away…

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Want more?..

Thoughts

I’m alive, I just got a fly in my eye…

Humor

I must copy this!!!

Music

Weren’t we like a pair of thieves?..

Music Plans Thoughts

27 pt2